The Loving Spirit Page 14

  Her body was warm and welcoming, as once before, but they hadn’t been ready then to love each other. It was too soon and they could mate only as strangers. But now they would never be strangers again. By whatever mysterious stormy roads they had found each other, there were no questions left.

  He drew the covers back to regard her beauty. On that other night he had sensed it but not seen it, and what he had sensed had haunted him. Now he feasted his eyes on the swell of her breasts, the small waist and flared, womanly hips. She watched him from behind half-lowered lids, her breathing coming unsteadily because even his gaze excited her. When he drew gentle fingers over one peaked nipple she trembled from the delight that went right through her, streaming out in all directions, to her toes, her fingertips, to some place deep in her loins. He smiled, and repeated the caress with the other one, enjoying the unmistakable signs of her arousal.

  ‘Do I please you, my darling?’ he murmured.

  ‘Oh yes,’ she managed to say in a shaking voice.

  He laid his lips at the base of her throat where a little pulse confirmed her words. Its message tempted him to drift upward, tracing a path of pleasure over her neck and her face until he reached her lips and locked on to them. While his hands continued their teasing work elsewhere, his tongue explored her mouth, flickering against the soft inside and causing more beautiful mayhem inside her.

  When he withdrew he murmured against her lips, ‘Kate, do you know that I love you?’

  ‘I love you,’ she said at once, eagerly.

  ‘I thought I’d never hear you say that. I’ve been afraid.’

  `Don’t be afraid. I shall always love you.’

  She was eager for the moment when he moved over her, giving a long sigh of fulfilment as he slowly entered her. She clung to him, savouring the sense of wholeness that she could only find when she was joined to this man. When their moment came she wanted to weep, but they were tears of joy that she had reached home at last.

  Home, where there was the warmth of love fulfilled, his arms holding her safe, and his whispered promise,

  ‘I’ve found you now, and I’ll never let you go.’

  Chapter Eight

  In a week the doctor pronounced Tom just about strong enough to stand the twenty-mile journey to Farringdon Park.

  ‘But he will find himself badly pulled when he arrives,’ he warned. ‘Your own doctor should be called to attend his convalescence.’

  Whatever his bodily weakness, Tom’s spirits had risen to normal, and he scorned the idea that he would need any more care. When he heard that he was to travel in the chaise with Kate, with Justin riding beside them, he grew indignant, protesting that he, too, would ride. A few minutes on his feet convinced him of the unwisdom of this idea, and he consented to board the chaise. Soon he was looking fagged, and by the time they reached their destination he was asleep with his head on his mother’s shoulder.

  This homecoming was the happiest event of her life. In the gathering dusk, the lights of the house were on and the servants gathered to welcome them back. Some of them had seen their mistress depart at dead of night two weeks ago, but it was their first sight of their master for eight months and, as he gave his hand to assist his lady tenderly down from the chaise, they all knew that something vital had changed. They knew it again when he carried Tom into the house himself.

  ‘The room is ready as you ordered, sir,’ the housekeeper said.

  ‘I’ve had the room opposite yours prepared for Tom,’ he explained to Kate as they mounted the stairs.

  She would have liked to see him to bed herself, but Justin had appointed a young footman to the task, and Tom seemed to prefer this arrangement as his embarrassed protest of ‘Mama!’ told her.

  ‘There are times when a mother should know to absent herself,’ Justin murmured in her ear. ‘Besides, you have other children who wish to greet you.’

  All except baby Amelia were on the stairs above them, peering through the banisters. Kate looked up and opened her arms to Grace who came hurtling down to be enfolded in them, followed by the younger boys. Last of all came Philip, eyeing his father with quiet watchfulness.

  Nobody could resist Grace’s eager warmth, and the boys were full of their sporting pursuits which always found an echo with Justin. But with Philip Justin hesitated. But then he gave one of his rare smiles, which the boy returned.

  ‘I had your picture framed,’ Justin said gravely. ‘I have it with me. You will like to see it.’

  ‘Yes, Papa.’

  To Kate’s delight he spent the evening with his children, more at ease with them than ever before. By the time she sent them all to bed he was smiling, and so were they.

  ‘It’s time you thought of hiring a governess for them,’ he told her when he came to her room that night. ‘From now on, I shall want your time, all of it. Kate, my dearest...’

  In his arms she found again the happiness that had once seemed out of reach, but which was now hers for the asking. They rediscovered each other’s bodies passionately, tenderly, and with a kind of awe for the miracle they had been granted. Lying in his arms afterwards, Kate prayed that it might last.

  That summer was the most glorious of her life. At every step there were fresh proofs of her husband’s love. He was like a man newly awake after a death-like sleep, savouring the beauty of the earth, taking her by the hand and leading her into new lands. He loved her with passionate gratitude. This powerful man who had been in authority since he was a boy, was not ashamed that she knew his weaknesses, nor to be grateful to her, or to acknowledge his debt to her.

  Sometimes they would slip away and take each other with the fervour of secret lovers. Once he came hurriedly to his room to change out of riding clothes for an appointment with Langhorn, his man of business, and looked up to find her regarding him with whimsical speculation in her eyes. And this man who laughed so seldom, chuckled and said, ‘Kate, he’ll be here soon...’

  ‘Yes, it’s a pity, isn’t it?’ she teased.

  The words were scarcely out of her mouth before he picked her up and tossed her on to his bed for a joyous tumble that left her hair awry and her eyes shining. Downstairs, Langhorn paced the floor and wondered what could be keeping His Lordship, who was normally a model of punctuality. But he knew, of course, that great men were subject to whims.

  Sometimes in the peaceful nights, Kate would lie and contemplate his body, remembering that other time when she’d stolen a glimpse of him in secret, hoping he wouldn’t know. Now there were no secrets and she was free to enjoy everything about him. The first time she did this it had taken him slightly aback, but he’d glimpsed something in her eyes that held him silent while she had her way.

  She loved to brush her fingers over his long flanks, lean hips, and the flat hardness of his stomach, enjoying the signs of his arousal. She wondered sometimes what ancient instincts taught her to do these things, for they were the tricks of a courtesan, not a virtuous wife.

  She considered, with an inner chuckle, whether she might actually have been a courtesan in another life, and wished that she could share the joke with Justin. But she felt he would not have appreciated it. For all his love of her he was still a man whose rigid mind contained corners of darkness. A great ugly bear, he had called himself, and in some ways that was true, she thought fondly, stroking back the black, shaggy hair from his forehead. But he was her bear, her beloved, and she would not have changed him for any of the smooth-tongued gentlemen who never uttered a hasty word or performed an action they swiftly regretted.

  ‘I love you so much,’ she said, touching his face as they lay together one night. ‘I didn’t think it was possible to love anyone as much as I love you.’

  He was silent so long that she became troubled. At last he spoke, in a strange voice that she’d never heard before. ‘What about your husband?’

  ‘Justin, please...’

  ‘I’m sorry, I have no right to ask, but I’m jealous of him. I’m jealous of everyone you’ve e
ver loved, except perhaps Tom. I want to know if you loved him as much as you love me. I want you to tell me about him.’

  ‘No,’ she said firmly, trying to suppress a twinge of fear. ‘I will tell you this. I didn’t love him as I loved you. There’s no ghost to make you jealous.’

  ‘Then why won’t you speak of him?’

  ‘Because I choose not to. Leave this, Justin. It’s the past. It’s over. I will not speak to you of my husband.’

  ‘Kate...’

  ‘No!’ Her eyes flashed temper as she flung the word at him. ‘The subject is closed.’

  ‘Is it, by God?’ he said, his own anger rising.

  ‘Yes. Justin, for pity’s sake, remember how this began. I said that I loved you. How did that turn into a quarrel?’

  He grimaced and pulled her close to him. ‘Because I’m an unreasonable, jealous oaf,’ he growled. ‘Also because I married a shrew who won’t let me have my own way.’

  His mouth on hers ended the argument. Nor did she want to waste time on words. Having discovered passion she had swiftly learned about her own body and his, what he could do to pleasure her, and how she could tease and tempt him. She knew his powerful control that could prolong the pleasure until she was half delirious, but she also knew by now that she could destroy that control with the right caress, the right word whispered at the right time. It was dangerous knowledge because Justin was a dangerous man, not totally at ease with her sexual power over him. So she used it sparingly.

  But tonight she sensed she was going to need all her magic, of every kind. His jealousy still drove him, and only the totality of her response could silence it.

  So she enticed him every way, using her lips, her hands, her voice, weaving a circle of enchantment about him that it was beyond his power to resist. Nor did he try, but let himself be lured into the circle, contending with her in passion, kissing her with hungry lips and touching her with hands that knew how to excite her. She came back at him, caressing him expertly so that he growled and tightened his arms fiercely.

  She felt the throbbing hardness as he entered her, thrusting deeply, giving and conquering at the same moment. But she had her weapons too, and she drove back against him with her hips, challenging and inciting him, wanting, craving, demanding all that he could give.

  The explosion of pleasure, greater than ever before, took her by surprise, and she knew from his face that it was the same with him. His eyes glittered with some wild emotion she couldn’t read. Slowly he drew away from her and threw himself on to his back, breathing hard.

  They had fought each other to a standstill with no quarter asked or given on either side. Her reward was a body throbbing with slaked desire as never before, but what about her husband and lover? Did he feel rewarded? Or conquered? If the latter, then she’d taken a huge gamble that she would regret.

  She lay watching him, wondering if he understood the nature of the battle that had been fought. At last he raised his head to meet her eyes, and she saw that his own were smiling.

  Gasping slightly he said, ‘I think the honours are even.’

  Then she knew that he had understood all the time, and she laughed with joy as she clasped him. That night she truly felt that everything had been given to her.

  *

  In the arbour the roses grew in glorious profusion. When Justin was away, perhaps visiting Newmarket where he had a horse racing, Kate would sit there, encouraging the children to join her, and talk about their mother.

  Soon after his return, he summoned her to the library where she found him with a lawyer, poring over papers. Justin scribbled his signature a few times and handed her a copy, charging her to keep it safe. Her eyes widened at the amount he had settled on her, but he shrugged it aside. A man expected to settle money on his wife when they married. There had been a delay, but now all was as it should be. He would not allow her to thank him.

  As Tom recovered his strength, he devoured every newspaper report about the army and its success following the battle of Vittoria.

  ‘Wellington has driven the French out of Spain, Mama,’ he said in dismay, ‘and I’m not there to see it.’

  ‘He’s learned nothing,’ she said to Justin in despair. ‘After everything he went through, all he can think of is getting back to his regiment.’

  ‘He’s a true soldier,’ Justin observed. ‘His father would be proud of him.’

  ‘And what about me?’ she asked forlornly.

  ‘My love, women have been saying that ever since men started going off to war. And they’ve been going anyway.’ He slipped an arm about her, drawing her close. ‘But you’re no longer alone, remember that.’

  As always his touch had the power to drive out sadness. Their shared love was a miracle to be renewed every day, every moment, something to be only half believed in, until she saw his eyes smiling at her, and knew that he, too, scarcely dared believe, and relied on her to reassure him it was true.

  At last she could no longer pretend that Tom wasn’t strong enough to leave. The day came. The chaise was at the door. Justin embraced him as a son, then stood aside while she made her farewells.

  She had thought their first parting terrible, but this was a hundred times worse. Now she’d seen death on her child’s face and knew what a determined enemy it could be. But she smiled until he was out of sight, and before she could go into the house Justin took her hand and said gently, ‘Walk with me.’

  He didn’t make the mistake of talking, but let the peace of the grounds seep into her soul as they strolled quietly together, and gradually her sadness subsided, to be replaced by a sweet calm, and the memory of the blessings she had been granted so unexpectedly. The greatest blessing of all was here by her side, silently enveloping her with his love.

  At last he said softly, ‘Come,’ and led her into the house by a side door. Nobody saw them make their way upstairs and along the corridor to their room. Nobody heard the click as he locked the door behind them.

  ‘Now you must think only of us,’ he said.

  His eyes held hers, and suddenly there was nothing else in the world. No sadness or fear, only the man she loved and his love for her.

  This was their tenderest loving, with his strength leashed back so that she should be more conscious of his care. The pleasure was intense, but greater than pleasure was the knowledge that she was cherished.

  Afterwards he lay propped up on one elbow, looking down at her, and she saw Amelia in his eyes.

  ‘Do you think she knew this would happen to us?’ he asked quietly.

  ‘She couldn’t be sure, but she hoped it would happen.’

  He made a quick movement. ‘How can you be certain of that?’

  ‘Because of her last words to me. Do you remember, she said, ‘Look after my family, Kate...all of them. Do you understand? All of them.’ She was watching me to see if I’d taken her full meaning. She meant you as well.’

  ‘Then she gave us to each other,’ he said in a wondering voice.

  ‘Yes. She knew what might happen to you without her, and she was begging me to save you.’

  She saw his sudden relaxation, as though he were free of a weight. No love was possible for them that betrayed Amelia by excluding her. Nor would she have had it any different.

  ‘I have longed to believe that it was so,’ he murmured, brushing his lips against her warm skin. ‘I never thought I’d find another woman to whom I could open my heart, knowing that her own heart was equally open to me. But Amelia understood us both, and gave me the greatest gift of all, in you.’

  ‘In each other,’ she whispered, in the moment before she slid her arms about his neck.

  ‘Yes, each other. All mine, as I am all yours.’

  She gave herself up to his renewed loving. Yet even in her joy his words troubled her, for she knew that her heart wasn’t open to him in the way he thought. She still harboured her secret and it seemed terrible to deceive the man she loved and who loved her so totally. Surely his love was strong enough
for him to accept the truth about her past?

  Several times during that enchanted time she came to the edge of confiding in him, but she always drew back. She knew him better now, but he was the same man who’d always inspired her with caution, a man of stern judgements. Who could tell how he would judge her? And if he turned against her she felt her heart would break.

  There was another sadness of which she could never speak, and that was the parting from her parents. How wonderful it would have been to find them now and show them that she was well and happy. Often during the years, she had wanted to seek them out, but had never dared. Now that so much happiness was hers, she longed to share it with them, but the dream was more impossible than ever.

  ‘Mama, Papa,’ she whispered in her heart. ‘Did you ever forgive me? Do you ever think of me? Am I still quite dead to you? Or did you yourselves die of sorrow from what I did to you?’

  But she couldn’t be sad for long in the midst of so many blessings. Sometimes she would rise in the night and sit by the window, looking out over the silver landscape, knowing that this precious time was perfect in a way that would never be repeated in her life. There would be other joys, other summers, but never again like this.

  While she was thinking these thoughts one night, she heard Justin rise and come to stand behind her, then the soft touch of his hands on her shoulders.

  ‘Are you troubled, my love?’

  ‘No,’ she hastened to assure him. ‘It’s just that it’s so perfect. I want things to go on forever just as they are, and I know that they can’t.’

  He kissed the top of her head. ‘I know how you feel. Soon the boys will return to school, and you and I must go to London. Millicent writes almost by every post, protesting at the delay to Charmaine’s come out.’

  ‘Millicent,’ she said with feeling.

  ‘I know she’s tiresome, and I was as glad as you when she left the house, but I couldn’t have entrusted Charmaine’s debut to anyone else. When it’s all over she won’t trouble us again.’