And the Bride Wore Red Page 15

  ‘I’m so sorry you’re here alone. Wasn’t there some nice young man you could have brought? Well, better luck next time. We don’t want you to be a miserable old maid, do we?’

  ‘I suppose there are worse things than being alone,’ Olivia observed mildly.

  ‘Oh, no, my darling, I promise you there aren’t.’

  ‘I’m very happy for you, Mother.’

  ‘You did promise not to call me that.’

  Olivia’s sense of humour came to her rescue.

  ‘If I can’t call my mother “Mother” on the day she marries my father, well, when can I?’

  ‘Pardon?’

  ‘Never mind. Goodbye, Mother. Have a happy marriage.’

  Soon it would be the twenty-third of the month, the day on which Biyu had wanted her and Lang to marry. They had laughed at her determination, but now Olivia’s heart ached to think of it.

  ‘She’s consoling herself with Wei’s wedding,’ Lang told her. ‘He and Suyin were going to wait until autumn, but she ordered them to make it the twenty-third, so they did as they were told.’

  Olivia dreaded the arrival of the day but it started with a pleasant surprise. Opening a parcel delivered by the postman, she discovered a butterfly brooch that exactly matched the one Lang had given her. On the card he’d written,

  Do you need me to tell you that it’s all still true? Call me as soon as this arrives, any time.

  It was midnight in Beijing but he was there waiting for her.

  ‘Thank heavens!’ he said fervently. ‘I’ve been praying I wouldn’t miss your call.’

  ‘You should be getting some rest,’ she chided him fondly. ‘You look tired.’

  ‘I can’t rest until I’ve talked to you. Tell me that you like it.’

  ‘It was exactly what I needed.’

  ‘Tell me that you still love me.’

  ‘Yes, sir,’ she said, giving him a mocking salute. ‘I obey.’

  ‘I’m sorry.’ He grinned. ‘I don’t change, do I? Still giving orders.’

  ‘Giving direct orders isn’t really your way. You’re better at pulling strings from behind. I guess you’re just practising an autocratic manner for when you get the job. Has anything happened?’

  ‘It’ll be any day now. Darling, you still haven’t told me that you love me.’

  She was feeling lighthearted for the first time in weeks. ‘Well,’ she teased. ‘Let me see…’

  She was interrupted by the sound of his phone. He snatched it up, and immediately became angry.

  ‘What, now? All right, I’m coming.’ He turned back to the screen. ‘That was the hospital. I have to go. We’ll talk again tomorrow.’

  ‘Lang, I-’

  But he had gone.

  She sat very still for a while, looking at the blank screen. Then she went to bed.

  Next morning the doctor said to her, ‘Norah can’t be left on her own, but if you’re going to live with her then I think we can send her home.’

  ‘Yes, I’ll always be there,’ Olivia assured him quietly.

  Norah was sent home that very afternoon. They hugged each other joyfully and settled down to chat, but almost at once Norah was too tired to continue. Olivia put her to bed and sat with her for a while, feeling the responsibility settle around her shoulders.

  Lang came online early that night. One look at his beaming face told her everything.

  ‘You got it!’ she exclaimed.

  ‘Yes, they confirmed it today. I now have a three-year contract at more money than I was earning before. I can afford a really nice home for you.’

  Out of this only one thing stood out.

  ‘You’ve already signed the contract?’

  ‘I took the first chance before they changed their mind. I only wish you could have been there with me to make everything perfect.’

  So that was it. He’d committed himself finally and, by a cruel irony, he’d done it on the day Norah’s return home had made her frailty even clearer than before. If anything more was needed to confirm that their feet were set on two different paths, this was it.

  She smiled and congratulated him, told him of her happiness and then of her love. His look of joy was the same she’d seen before, as though nothing could ever change.

  ‘I love you so much,’ he told her. ‘I can’t wait for our life together to start.’

  He parted with the words, ‘Give Norah my love. Tell her to get well soon.’

  ‘I will,’ she promised.

  To her relief, the connection broke. In another moment he would have seen that she was weeping, but he didn’t see it, nor the way she reached out to touch the screen as though he were really there, then drew away quickly because he would never be there.

  An hour later she looked in on Norah, who’d just awoken and was cheerful.

  ‘Come and sit with me,’ she said, patting the bed.

  As Olivia sat down the light from the bedside lamp fell on the silver butterfly pinned to her shoulder.

  ‘That’s such a pretty brooch. I’ve noticed that you always wear it, so I guess it must be special.’

  ‘Yes, it’s very special,’ Olivia said.

  ‘Did he give it to you? Don’t worry, I won’t pry if it’s a secret.’

  ‘When have I ever kept secrets from you? Yes, Lang gave it to me at the airport when we said goodbye.’

  She removed the butterfly and laid it in Norah’s hand. The old woman drew it close and studied it intently.

  ‘It’s so beautiful,’ she whispered. ‘It must have a special meaning.’

  ‘Butterflies are a symbol of eternal love, because of an old Chinese legend.’

  She told the story of Liang Shanbo and Zhu Yingtai, how they had loved each other and been forced apart.

  ‘When she stood before his tomb, it opened and enfolded her. A moment later two butterflies flew up and away into the sunset, together for ever.’

  ‘Together for ever,’ Norah whispered. ‘Even death couldn’t divide them. Oh, yes, that’s how it is.’

  ‘How have you endured all these years without him?’ Olivia whispered.

  ‘But, my dear, I haven’t been without him. In my heart he has been with me always, waiting for me as Shanbo waited for Yingtai. When my time comes I shan’t be afraid, because we will take wing together. You’re very lucky to have Lang. He’s a man of great understanding.’

  ‘But what can come of it? How can I ever marry him? How could I have engaged myself to a man I’d known only a week or two? Of all the people to do such a daft thing, how could I?’

  ‘But you mustn’t give up hope. You’ve got your whole future ahead of you. I couldn’t bear it if you sacrificed it for me. Please, my darling, don’t spend your life in bitter regrets, as I have, always thinking how different it might have been if I’d only-’ She broke off.

  ‘But you couldn’t have changed anything,’ Olivia protested. ‘He died in the army.’

  ‘Yes, but…’ Norah was silent a long time, but then she seemed to come to a resolution. ‘I’ve told you so much about my love for Edward, but there’s one thing I’ve never spoken of to you or anyone. Things were different fifty years ago. Couples were expected to wait for marriage before they made love.

  ‘I loved Edward so much, and when he wanted us to make love I wanted it too, but I was afraid that he’d despise me afterwards. So we didn’t. I was sensible. I could tell he was hurt, afraid I didn’t love him enough. I told myself that I’d make it up to him when we were married.

  ‘But in those days we still had National Service, and he had to finish his time before we could marry. He was sent abroad suddenly. It should just have been a short tour of duty but he was killed by a sniper, and the world ended for me. Night after night I wept, but it was too late. He’d died without really knowing how much I loved him. Oh, Edward, Edward, forgive me!’

  Suddenly it might have happened yesterday, and she sobbed without restraint. Olivia gathered the old woman into her arms and her own tears fell.
For years she’d thought she understood Norah’s feelings, but now she realised she’d never guessed the yawning chasm of grief that had turned her life into a nightmare of emptiness.

  When Norah’s sobs had subsided Olivia controlled her own feelings and managed to say, ‘But things are different these days. Lang and I have made love.’

  ‘Then you know what you mean to each other, and you mustn’t take any risks with that. Don’t let me see you wishing every day that you could turn the clock back.’

  ‘I’ve been thinking. I’m going back to China to clear out my apartment and talk to Mrs Wu. I’ll see Lang again, talk to him. Maybe we can come to some arrangement with me dividing my time between China and here. If not, well…’

  ‘Oh, no. You mustn’t finish with him.’

  ‘I’m not leaving you alone.’

  ‘I’m not alone. There’s the rest of the family.’

  ‘Oh, yes, Mum and Dad prancing around like the world’s their stage. The others who send you the occasional Christmas card. I have to be here at least some of the time. He’ll understand.’

  ‘Perhaps he’ll return to England.’

  ‘No.’ Olivia set her jaw stubbornly. ‘I’d never ask him. Besides, he’s already signed a contract.’

  She didn’t mention the other reason; the story he’d told her about the woman he’d left rather than change course had carried a hidden warning.

  ‘I fixate on something,’ he’d said on another occasion, ‘and I stick with it. It doesn’t make me a nice person.’

  She hadn’t seen the warning then, but it was clear enough now.

  She clung to the thought that they might still be together, that somehow life could be arranged so that she could divide her time between China and England. It was a wildly impractical idea, but it was all that stood between her and the abyss.

  At night she slept with Ming Zhi in her arms, gripping her more tightly, more frantically every time, as though hoping to recover the caution and wisdom by which she’d always lived.

  She’d prided herself on those qualities, but in the end they had failed to save her from falling in love so deeply that she belonged to him body and soul, for ever. She could almost have laughed at herself, but the laughter would be terrible and bitter.

  She knew that Lang loved her. But he was the man he was, a man made of granite beneath a gentle surface.

  His face came into her mind as she’d last seen it in real life, not merely on the screen: the sadness as they’d parted, the yearning look that had seemed to follow her. Then she thought of how he’d beamed when he’d told her he’d got the job. He would survive their parting-if there had to be a parting-because he had something else. And she would survive knowing that all was well with him.

  That was as far as she dared to let herself think. But the temptation to see him once more, to lie in his arms one last time, was too great to be resisted. From it she would draw the strength to live a bleak life without him.

  She hired an agency nurse, a pleasant young woman who got on well with Norah from the first moment. She moved into the apartment at once, leaving Olivia’s mind at ease.

  The only problem now was what to say to Lang when they next talked, but he solved that by texting her to say he would be at the hospital all night.

  She texted back, informing him that she was coming to China.

  That was how they communicated now.

  CHAPTER TWELVE

  THE taxi seemed to take for ever to get from Beijing Airport to the apartment, and Olivia had to pinch herself to stay awake. When at last she was in her room, she left a message on Norah’s answer machine, saying that she’d arrived safely. Then she lay down, promising herself that it would be just for a moment, and awoke five hours later.

  Soon she must text Lang. He would text back, telling her the first moment he could spare from his busy schedule. Somehow they would meet, she would put her plan to him and perhaps they would have a kind of disjointed future. Or perhaps not.

  Exhausted from the flight, she could see only the dark side. He would refuse. He had another life now. He didn’t need her.

  One part of her-the common-sense part-reckoned it would have been wiser not to come here. They could have talked online and decided their future for good or ill.

  But common sense-such a reliable ally in the past-failed her now. The yearning to be with him again was intolerable. To part without holding him just once more, without feeling his body against hers, inside hers, loving her as only he could love-this would have been more than she could bear.

  She put her hands up over her face and a cry broke from her at the thought.

  But she was a dragon lady, strong and resolute, one who faced whatever life threw at her no matter how painful. If love failed her she would have the memory of love to carry her through, and this one final night that she had promised herself.

  There was a knock on the door. Throwing on a light robe, she hurried to it and called softly, ‘Who’s there?’

  ‘It’s me, Lang.’

  She had the door open in a second. Then he was in the room, holding her fiercely, covering her face with passionate kisses, murmuring her name over and over.

  ‘Olivia, Olivia, it’s really you. Hold me-kiss me.’

  ‘Yes, yes, I came because-’

  ‘Hush,’ he whispered. ‘Don’t let’s talk, not yet.’

  She couldn’t reply. His mouth was over hers, silencing everything but sensation. He was right; this wasn’t the time for words. She wanted to belong to him again, and it was happening fast. He had the robe off in a moment, and then there was only the flimsy night dress, which suddenly wasn’t there any more.

  She tried to help him off with his clothes but there was no need. He was already moving faster than she could follow, and when he was naked she could understand why. His desire for her was straining his control. He almost tossed her onto the bed and fell on top of her, loving her with a fierce vigour that would have made her think he was a man staking his claim if she’d been capable of thought.

  She’d forgotten how skilled he was with his mouth, his hands, his loins. But he reminded her again and again, demanding without mercy, but giving with no holding back.

  Their final moment was explosive, leaving them both too drained to do anything but clasp each other and lie still. Lang’s eyes were closed, and he might have fallen asleep. She tightened her arms about him in a passion of tenderness.

  ‘I love you,’ she whispered. ‘You’ll never know how much I love you because I don’t think I can find the words. And perhaps you wouldn’t believe me, because how can I explain it?’

  ‘No need,’ he murmured. ‘Don’t talk.’

  He was right. No words now. She was back in her dream, where only he existed. Nothing else in the world. She slept.

  She knew something had gone wrong when she awoke to find Lang sitting by the window. She’d dreamed of awakening in his arms, seeing his face looking down tenderly at hers. After their passionate love-making, he should have found it impossible to tear himself away.

  But he sat there, seemingly oblivious to her, absorbed in a conversation on his mobile phone.

  She lay back on the bed, stunned and disillusioned. It had never occurred to her that she was already on the fringe of his life.

  At last he finished the call, turned and looked at her, smiling when he saw she was awake. He returned to the bed to take her eagerly into his arms.

  ‘Thank you,’ he said. ‘Thank you for coming back to me. Let me look at you. I still can’t believe you’re actually here. Kiss me, kiss me.’

  She did so, again and again.

  He was the one to break the embrace, laughing and saying, ‘If we don’t stop now I’ll have to make love to you again, and then I won’t be able to give you my news.’

  ‘What news?’ she whispered.

  ‘I’m coming back to live in England with you.’

  ‘But-you can’t. Your new job-’

  ‘That was my boss at
the hospital I was just talking to. I spoke to him yesterday, asking him to help me get out of the job. I knew it wouldn’t be easy, so soon after signing a contract, but he said he’d do his best. It was between me and Guo Daiyu, and Guo might still be available.

  ‘He just called me to say it’s good news-Guo can start almost at once. I wanted to tell you last night but I didn’t dare. There was still a chance that it wouldn’t work out and I wanted to be sure first.

  ‘In a couple of weeks I’ll be free and we can leave together. We’ll stay with Norah and look after her. And when-when she no longer needs us, we’ll return to China.’

  ‘But you’ll lose the job when it means everything to you!’ she cried.

  ‘No, it is you that means everything to me. I’ll do anything rather than risk losing you.’

  ‘But you said-when you told me about Natalie-and how you couldn’t put her first.’

  ‘Of course I couldn’t. Because she wasn’t you. I parted from her because there was something I wanted more. But I can’t part from you, because there is nothing I want more. Nor will there ever be. Do you remember I told you that first a man needs to understand himself? Through you I came to understand myself. I’d believed that no woman could ever mean so much that she could divert me from my path. But then I met you, and found that I was wrong. Only you mattered. We must get married at once. I won’t take no for an answer.’

  ‘Get married?’ she whispered.

  ‘I can’t go on any longer without being married to you. If you don’t become my wife, then my life will be empty and meaningless until its last moments. Don’t you feel the same?’

  ‘Oh, yes, yes! But you never said anything about coming to England before, and-’

  ‘You never asked me,’ he said, with a touch of reproach. ‘But that’s my fault. I talked so much about myself and what I wanted that I left you no space. The fact is that nothing matters to me except being with you. We’ll come back one day, and there will be other jobs.’

  ‘Not this one. You’ll have to start again among strangers and lose what you’ve built up.’

  He drew her close so that his lips hovered just over hers.

  ‘Shut up!’ he said, lowering his mouth.