The Loving Spirit Read online

  ‘As you would have done, my dear,’ she murmured wryly to an unseen presence. ‘But then,’ she added with a fond smile, ‘you would never have sat for hours discussing books.’

  She could only be herself. And to have placated Justin would have been to make him worse. But as the night wore on with no sign of him, her heart was heavy.

  Several hours had passed before she heard his foot on the stair, then just outside her door, then silence. She waited, her heart beating, until she heard the soft click of the door, and looked up. Justin was standing on the threshold, watching her. In the poor light she couldn’t see his expression, or tell whether he was still angry. She could see only that he was very tense and still.

  ‘May I come in?’ he asked at last, quietly.

  ‘Of course.’

  He came swiftly across the floor to drop to his knees beside her. ‘Forgive me.’

  ‘My love...‘ she said at once.

  ‘Say that you forgive me,’ he begged. ‘Let me hear you say it.’

  ‘Then I forgive you, but you make too much of it.’

  ‘No. If you could have seen the revulsion in your eyes...say that I haven’t offended beyond hope, and that you can love me still.’

  ‘I shall always love you better than all the world. How you could imagine that I was attracted to that poor little man?’

  ‘You don’t need to tell me that I’m a fool. I know it.’

  ‘You’re a great fool if you think that anyone exists for me beside you,’ she said tenderly.

  He didn’t answer in words, but he laid his head down in her lap in a gesture of surrender. A wild beast that had allowed itself to be tamed might have done just such a thing.

  After a while he said with a sigh, ‘I’m a tyrant, aren’t I?’

  ‘Just a little,’ she said gently, stroking his hair.

  He kissed her hands and raised his head to speak quickly,

  ‘When we leave London we’ll go to Hampton Park for a few days. He shall show you his library and I won’t say a word. And I’ll discuss agriculture with him and see his improvements. There may be things I can learn from him.’

  The effort he was making touched her heart. He was so strong and fierce, so confident in his dealings with the world. And so vulnerable. So afraid.

  ‘I’m not like her,’ Kate said gently. ‘Not like your mother.’

  ‘Ah, you understand. I might have known you would.’

  ‘Amelia told me once this house reeked of callousness and greed, and she never came here without a shudder. I knew what she meant as soon as I arrived. It’s as though your mother was still here, casting her shadow so that every other woman is judged by her. Don’t let that happen, my love, or you’ll destroy us.’

  ‘I know. That is my greatest fear.’ He looked up at her. ‘I’ll try, Kate, but be patient with me.’

  She promised, and the quarrel was laid to rest. But the first chill wind had blown over their love, and it left her wondering about the future.

  *

  It was time to send out the invitations to the great ball that would launch Charmaine into society. Millicent revised the list time and again, after asking Kate sweetly if she had any particular friends she would like to invite. Kate, refusing to be provoked by this piece of spite, replied with equal sweetness that she was happy to leave everything in Millicent’s expert hands.

  The three ladies were sitting in the morning-room, enjoying the pale morning sun. For the sake of appearances Kate forced herself to spend a part of each day in Millicent’s company.

  ‘I believe you already have a string of admirers even before you’re out,’ she said to Charmaine, and when the girl blushed and giggled, she asked kindly, ‘Someone in particular?’

  ‘Charmaine has already won the admiration of several extremely eligible suitors,’ Millicent observed. ‘One, indeed...but it is too soon to be mentioning names.’

  ‘But he’s very, very handsome,’ Charmaine said, blushing slightly. ‘And such an air.’

  ‘And he is interested in you?’ Kate asked with a smile.

  ‘Well, he...that is...oh Kate!’ Charmaine hugged her arms about herself in her excitement.

  ‘I can’t wait to meet him. When will that be?’

  ‘He is out of town at the moment,’ Millicent said. ‘He succeeded to the title only recently and had to return to his estates last week to attend to some business. But he has promised to return for Charmaine’s ball.’

  At last the great night arrived. The huge ballroom at the back of Farringdon House had been transformed into a bower of flowers, an orchestra engaged. Extra servants had been hired and in the kitchen the chef had been steadily going demented for a week.

  A frenzy of activity filled the apartments upstairs as the ladies of the house attired themselves for the evening. Charmaine was enchanting in an embroidered white crape frock, trimmed at the hem with fine lace, worn over a pink satin slip, ornamented down the front with spangles. Her hair was dressed a la Medusee, and on her feet were pink satin slippers with white rosettes.

  She had darted along to Millicent’s room to display herself and to exclaim over Millicent’s appearance, which was magnificent, if a trifle overdone. A ruby velvet gown with a demitrain, trimmed around the hem, bosom and sleeves with a light tassel fringe. Rubies were sewn into the body of the gown, and more rubies clustered with pearls in the turban of white satin with red velvet inserts.

  Around her neck, Millicent wore the Thorpe rubies which had come to her on her marriage and should have been handed back to the Thorpe family on her husband’s death. His nephew and heir had made repeated demands for their return, in tones of decreasing civility. There had been visits from the family lawyer, to no avail. Millicent clung on to the rubies, and flaunted them tonight. A red satin spangled fan completed the ensemble.

  ‘Oh Aunt, you are fine!’ Charmaine gasped.

  ‘And so are you, my love. Nobody will look as me beside you. And nor,’ she added drily, ‘will they look at that creature, whatever airs she gives herself.’

  ‘Oh, Aunt Kate is well enough.’

  ‘Don’t call her Aunt in my hearing,’ Millicent snapped. ‘It’s more than my nerves can stand. One day your uncle will see the truth about her. Until then, we must bide our time. That is to say, I must bide my time. You, my love, have other things to attend to. A certain person has had quite long enough to decide, and now it’s time to bring him up to scratch.’

  Charmaine pouted. ‘But I don’t want him to marry me only because he was brought up to scratch. I want him to marry me because he loves me more than all the world, because I’m the only woman he’s ever loved or ever could love.’

  ‘Since he must be well into his thirties that is asking rather much,’ Millicent said drily. ‘There are bound to have been entanglements in his past, but a lady does not enquire into such matters. Nor does she ask vulgar questions about his activities after marriage, which do not concern her.’

  ‘You mean if he takes a...a...’

  ‘That will do!’

  ‘Well he won’t. I won’t allow it,’ Charmaine said petulantly, a scowl driving the youthful charm from her face. ‘I won’t, I won’t!’

  ‘I hope you will not allow him to see that face before you are safely married,’ Millicent said with asperity. ‘Nothing could be more fatal than for a gentleman to suspect that you have a temper.’

  In a flash Charmaine had resumed her sweet, guileless expression.

  ‘That’s better,’ Millicent told her. ‘My love, earls do not grow on trees. You cannot afford to be too particular about how you get one to marry you.’

  Charmaine gave a long sigh. ‘I shall die if he doesn’t marry me.’

  ‘Yes, well, don’t let him suspect it. One should hold off from a man.’

  She might have added, ‘particularly some men’. Millicent’s sharp eyes had detected that Charmaine’s admirer was a selfish libertine. After the wedding she judged he wouldn’t be faithful for one hour, and
would break the girl’s heart. But he was an earl, and that outweighed all else.

  *

  Lord Farringdon loved nothing better than to come upon his wife a la négligée. When he came quietly into her room tonight she was about to step into her peach satin ball gown, decorated with acorns and oak leaves embroidered in gold thread, with rich gold tassels on the shoulder. He stood, admiring, while Pennistone fastened it at the back, and teased her hair into a fashionable look. She glanced up, seeing him in her mirror, and instantly responded with the little smile that he loved.

  ‘Pennistone will be angry with you,’ she chided fondly as he approached. ‘You know she doesn’t like her labours disturbed.’

  ‘She won’t be angry this time,’ he said. ‘We conspired together. I had to discover what you would be wearing, to know what to give you.’

  From behind his back he produced a box. Pennistone discreetly slipped away as he opened it, disclosing a set of diamonds whose magnificence made Kate gasp. Bracelets, brooches, a tiara, and a riviere to go about her neck.

  ‘I told the jewellers I wanted the finest they had,’ Justin said softly, ‘for the finest lady in all the world.’

  ‘But my darling...for me?’

  ‘I want to hear no more about your being a provincial mouse. To me you’re a queen, the queen of my heart, and all the world must know.’

  Kate tried to speak but something caught in her throat. She had never been ambitious for jewels, but these had a glory that was a declaration in itself. He draped the riviere about her neck, fastened the clasp, then laid his lips against her skin.

  ‘My darling, beloved Kate,’ he murmured. ‘If only diamonds could say all that is in my heart for you. Just to tell you that I love you isn’t enough. You’re more than my love, you’re my rock, my sanity. You brought me safely home, when nobody else could have done so. I love you so much that I almost think I blaspheme. The commandment says, ‘Thou shalt have no other gods but me’, but I break it by making you my idol.’

  ‘Hush,’ she said, terrified. ‘Don’t say such things. God will be angry. Our happiness will be taken away as a punishment. Unsay it, quickly.’

  ‘I’ll never do that,’ he said seriously. ‘You are everything to me. If I lost you...I wouldn’t survive a second time, for there would be no Kate to bring me back from the brink. You must love me, Kate, for without you, there is nothing.’

  ‘I love you,’ she said urgently, ‘I love you, I love you. I don’t need diamonds, I need only you.’ She was suddenly filled with fear. ‘Oh darling, you must believe that I love you.’

  ‘But I do believe it,’ he said tenderly. ‘I only need to hear you say it to believe, because I know you to be the most honest and honourable woman on earth. I would stake my life on your truth and sincerity. Oh Kate...’

  He seized her in his arms, kissing her passionately on her mouth, her eyes. This was the man she loved, desperate and vulnerable in his need of her, a need she revelled in fulfilling. In his arms she could feel the world fade, leaving only the two of them. If only, she thought wistfully, they didn’t have to return to reality.

  `Kate,’ he murmured, ‘why don’t they all go away?’

  ‘They will, my love.’

  He kissed her again. ‘Let us go down and do our duty. But I shan’t be happy until I’m alone with you.’

  As she descended the stairs on his arm Kate carried her head high. It was her night of glory. About her neck she wore her husband’s tribute in diamonds, but greater than these was his tribute of love and need.

  It was only at the very back of her mind that a small voice whispered Beware! There was something almost sacrilegious in Justin’s worship. They would be punished for it. Then she told herself to be sensible. For so long she’d been a stranger to happiness that now she didn’t know how to accept it, but must be looking for snags. From now on she would learn to enjoy her good fortune.

  Millicent and Charmaine were already downstairs. Greetings were exchanged and the ladies ceremoniously complimented each other on their gowns. Millicent’s eyes narrowed at the sight of the diamonds, but she only smiled.

  Lady Farringdon could afford to feel pleased. The cream of society had flocked to her house. Dukes, marquises, earls, viscounts, all entered her ballroom and made their bow to her. Not a single invitation had been refused.

  But for Charmaine only one man counted, and she grew impatient, waiting for him to appear. To soothe her Kate said teasingly, ‘so this is the night I get to meet your conquest?’

  ‘Oh yes, he’ll be here soon, and you’ll see for yourself how wonderful he is...oh look, Aunt Kate. There he is, just coming in. Isn’t he the most handsome man in the room?’

  Smiling, Kate looked up to behold the man strolling through the door, pausing on the threshold to glance around the ballroom. Suddenly it felt as though the blood in her veins had turned to ice. She kept her smile in place by sheer force of will as she looked on that familiar, half-smiling, half-mocking countenance, that air that said the world was his.

  It was Leon Danby.

  Chapter Ten

  ‘Aunt Kate, this is Lord Danby.’

  Leon took his hostess’s hand and bowed low over it, murmuring conventional words. Kate waited for him to look up, for the shock of recognition that would be her undoing. But when he raised his head, there was nothing in his eyes but smiling vacuity. He was saying something about her kindness in inviting him and she was responding correctly...she had no idea what she said...then Leon was shaking Justin’s hand. More polite greetings were exchanged. Smiles, pleasantries, and the next moment he passed on.

  It was over. They had met and he hadn’t recognized her. She was almost faint with relief. But of course, she was so changed since their last meeting, and he probably barely recalled her existence, never mind her looks.

  Now she could study Leon as he walked about the room and see what the years had made of him. The slender dancing-eyed boy who’d won her heart had filled out. He still had a good figure, and the height to carry a little extra flesh. His face, too, was handsome enough to explain why he had captured Charmaine’s youthful fancy, although Kate could see the cynicism and selfishness that marred what had once been a delightful countenance. His best would not last long. Years of dissipation had begun to take their toll and as middle-age descended on him he would soon run to seed. But for now he could briefly ward off the inevitable, and pass as a splendid man.

  Charmaine was not the only girl to sigh for him, but she was the one he led on to the floor for the opening dance. Kate allowed an elderly duke to claim her hand and Millicent was solicited by a viscount. Even Justin accepted that it was his duty to dance tonight, and led forward a distinguished lady.

  To outward appearances the ball was a triumphant success. Charmaine looked delicious and behaved so beautifully that she would have been the belle of any ball, not merely her own. She was never without a partner, and although she would gladly have danced every dance with Leon, mindful of Millicent’s wise words, she permitted him only two, and neither of those was a waltz.

  As for Kate, her moment of relief had been short. The strain of being in the same room with Leon for hours on end had brought home to her the full reality of her danger. He might not have recognized her yet, but if he had much contact with the family, as seemed likely, it would be bound to happen. Catastrophe had placed itself in her path, advancing relentlessly, and there was nothing she could do about it.

  The colours became a whirling nightmare. What evil fate had decreed that she should meet Leon again in a ballroom, when their first meeting, all those years ago, had been in a dancing class? He had been charming then, his face unmarked by hardened selfishness. Or perhaps it had always been there, and she was too young and ignorant to notice. She had thought only how glorious he was in his uniform as he had bowed before her and said with a theatrical flourish, ‘May I have the honour of this dance, madam?’

  And then the haze cleared, and Leon stood before her. ‘May I be
allowed the honour of a dance, Lady Farringdon?’

  She drew in a sharp breath and struggled to stay calm. To refuse him would be to attract attention, so she gave a meaningless smile, laid her hand on his arm and let him lead her on to the floor.

  ‘A delightful ball,’ he said as they advanced hand in hand down the set. ‘My compliments.’

  `You’re very kind, sir, but your compliments should rather be directed at Lady Thorpe. The arrangements have been in her hands.’

  ‘Ah yes, Lady Thorpe. I greatly admire her, but I have to admit, ma’am, that she terrifies me.’

  ‘She is a formidable lady,’ Kate agreed.

  ‘But you, I feel sure, are not. I hope I may call you my friend.’

  Luckily the dance parted them at this moment, and when their hands clasped again she was able to divert the conversation into new channels.

  ‘I heard...that is, I believe that until recently you were fighting in Spain.’

  ‘True, ma’am. Soldiering was my profession, and I would gladly have stayed in the army, but the unfortunate death of my uncle and his son in a boating accident made the title unexpectedly mine.’

  ‘We are honoured, sir, to have a hero of the Peninsula among us,’ Kate said mechanically. Would the dance never end?

  ‘You’re too kind to say so, ma’am. To tell the truth, society frightens me more than the French Army. I’ve been out of it so long that I feel cast adrift and would welcome a friend.’

  And suddenly she heard, from long ago: ‘To be the only man in a room full of schoolgirls scares me to death. But you’ll take pity on me, won’t you, little girl?’

  He hadn’t changed, she thought bitterly. The tricks, more practised now, were still as meaningless.

  Somehow the dreadful evening came to an end. The guests departed, leaving the family to react in their various ways.

  Millicent and Charmaine were in transports. Justin was devoutly thankful it was over. Kate was almost in a state of collapse.